If We Make It Through December
by Chelsea Oz
Summary: I can't think of a better way to spend my birthday than to get another story going for you guys. Atticus still grieves for his wife years after her Christmas time death, Jem is getting married, and Scout has moved on with someone new yet familiar. Another in-progress AU set in GSAW times. Complete!
1. Chapter 1

December was always hard on me. I always knew my late wife was full of magic and it was especially years after her death did I realize how much. I was under her spell of absense whenever the last month of the year came along. The month brings winter's first days of twenty-four hour cold, rainy days and my tears always flow with the beat of the rain's music at night. I'm seventy-two years old and the same tears I shed at forty-two are still as fresh.

"Brother," Zandra comments all the time. "Time still hasn't healed your wounds?"

Oh the things I wish I could say to her when she tells me that! I don't think she ever loved her husband or else she wouldn't be saying that to me. I never commented on her when it came to her husband leaving her so I can't help but feel bitter when she feels free to speak her mind against my feelings. If I was ever like that to anyone in mourning, I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

"Atticus," Ava, my secretary, pages me over the phone. "Jean's on the phone and would like to speak to you."

"Send her through, Ava," I say as I push line 2.

"She's coming."

"Thank you."

I haven't seen or heard from her since Thanksgiving. I wonder what in the world she has to tell me.

"Atticus?"

"Hi, baby. Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine. How are you?"

"Good as to be expected, sweet."

"How's your arthritis?"

"Not bad today."

"Well, anyway, I wanted to tell you that I have a date for the wedding."

"All right," I say right before I take a pause. She was seeing somebody new already? Hank had hurt her badly and I'm surprised to hear that she's moving on easy. "Who is this fellow?"

"I already know you like him."

"I liked Hank, too."

"Oh, Atticus," she scowls. Doesn't take a lot to get my daughter uptight sometimes.

"I'm sorry, baby. Who is he?"

"Charles Harris."

She had me stumped there. I could have swore that I have met him before but I couldn't put my finger on him.

"Oh, come on, Atticus! You remember Dill!"

"Oh!"

Charles Harris was always "Dill" to me. I should have known but for Christ's sake, I still call my children by their nicknames.

"Did you talk to Jem about him coming?"

"He knows I'm bringing a date but he doesn't know who. Can you keep it a secret until tomorrow night when we fly in? I want him to be surprised."

"Well, he'll definitely be surprised."

"I know! I'm so excited!"

"I'm happy you're happy, baby. Does he treat you nice?"

"Atticus, it's Dill!"

"Oh, sorry, I forgot."

"That's okay. Anyway, I'm gonna let you get back to work. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Bye-bye."

"Bye-bye, baby."

I inhale deeply as I hang up the reciever. I put my hands up to my mouth as I feel myself exhale. I'm having one of those moments where I can only breathe.

"Atticus," Jem says as he barges in out of nowhere. I literally jump out of my desk chair.

"How many times do I have to tell you to knock?"

"Sorry," he tells me, feeling bad. I feel bad when I make my children feel that way.

"It's okay," I say, calming myself down. "What do you want?"

"Jean was on the phone?"

"Yes, yes she was."

"What's up with that?"

"She just figured that I should know she was bringing a date to your wedding."

"Oh, yeah. I woner who it could be. She said that once I meet him it would be like I knew him all my life."

"Maybe you have."

"Do you know something I don't?"

"I'm seventy-two years old; there's a lot of things I know and you don't."

"Fair enough. Well, I'm gonna go back to my office now. I just wondered why she called."

"That's all right. See you later."

I have to breathe again once Jem leaves my office. I slump back into my chair which causes only ten thousand papers to fly all over the place. I'm too tired to pick them all up so I just put my head down on the desk and pretend that didn't just happen. Doesn't Scout know that lawyers are terrible secret-keepers? Doesn't Jem understand personal space? Do I know why I feel as old and tired as I do?


	2. In My Dreams

"Won't you join me?"

In the almost thirty years of her passing she has never failed to show up on these December nights. We always meet at the Landing and she is always skinny-dipping in the lazy river where I scattered her ashes years ago. I think it's a shame that I can only see her from the upper breasts up; my wife had the cutest rear.

"Nuh-uh," I began to deliver my usual reply. "It's too cold. I'm not going in there."

"Are you ever going to join me?"

"When it's my time."

"You're no fun," she says, resting her arms on the rocky shoreline.

"I'm a lawyer," I say, crouching down next to her.

"You're a soul and so am I, sweet. You're too earthbound."

"You're too spiritual."

"I live in the spirit world, jackass!"

"Hey," I say as I rub her head. She never lost her humor or vulgarity that I ended up marrying her for. That smile of hers is enough to make me jump in but I don't dare.

"You're scared."

"Of what?"

"Of everything including swimming in this damn river with me."

"I'm afraid if I join you I won't come back."

"I'm not God, Atticus. I don't have the power to take you away just like that."

"Jem's getting married soon."

"I know."

"Dill and Scout are back together."

"I know."

"What do you think about it all?"

"Everything happens when it's supposed to happen and for a reason."

"You've been telling me that for the past forty years."

"It's true; you should listen to me sometimes."

"I do. What do you think has gotten me through all these years?"

"Being a lawyer."

"You're not funny."

"I think I'm hilarious!"

That was it; I ripped off my shirt and tie and I jump in with my wife. I hear her scream and laugh to the top of her lungs. I was going to get her finally and I was going to hug her and kiss her and go under with her. She won't let me; she disappears as soon as I touch her and I something tugs at me hard from underneath. I hold my breath as the presipise pulls me under and gasp out loud as soon as I wake up in a pool of my own sweat. It was six in the morning and I was alone.

As soon as I regained consciousness and composure, I got up and went to my desk. Not an easy task considering my room was still completely dark until I turned on the desk light. I always kept a pad of yellow, legal paper and fountain pen at hand in case of anything. I will write down another Jean dream to add to my collection. I keep them in a safe that my children will only know of and open the day I die.

"Atticus," I hear Jean say my name as I'm in the middle of documenting our latest dream together. That happens sometimes; I don't need to dream to know that she is still with me.

"I hear you," I reply as I keep on writing. "I love you."

That was when I would wait for something weird to happen. Maybe a light to flicker or maybe a bell to ring. I only stopped what I was doing when I realized that there were no such phenomenons happening. It's unusual when the unusual becomes usual. I looked out the window and opened it to find that the rain had turned to snow. It wasn't sticking to the ground so I figured we were having what the northeners called "wet snow".

"Did you do that?" I say into the night. I scared myself when I heard echoing because I obviously talked to myself too loud. I clang the window closed and quickly finished up my dream document. After I finish, I go to my closet and dig through my shoe compartment to fish out the safe that I had painted pink. Pink was Jean's favorite color and along with our dreams contained her pearl necklace and ring that I promised Scout would have years ago and the letters she wrote to the children on her death day. I think hard about those letters because she promised them that they would feel her on their wedding days. She will be with you, Jem.


	3. I Loved Her First

It was hard to get through the next day knowing that my baby was coming home later that night. With my distaste for criminal cases, my days have always consisted of will arrangements, entailments that I now deal with once in a blue moon due to the post WW2 economic boom, and divorce proceedings. The divorce rate has gotten progressively worse with each passing decade and nothing ticks me off more. What I wouldn't give to have a wife to call my own and to have around. Do these young people not understand love or just marriage in general? Love and marriage are a choice that I feel people take too light-heartedly.

In between all of that, I take time to glance at Scout's pictures on my desk. Jean's christmas presents to me the year she died was Jem and Scout's pictures in a double frame; one of them as a baby and one of them as little children. Jem looked so much like his mother that it could make me cry sometimes. It is always hard to look at his young boy photos a lot of the time for that reason, no matter how much of a beautiful boy he was. People have said that Scout resembles me and I can't be any more proud of that fact. She has the most beautiful blue eyes that Jean used to swear was a gift from me. I never saw my looks as anything special but when Jean would talk about how beautiful she was because she looked like me, I guess I couldn't be that ugly because to me my daughter would always be flawless. I have yet to meet a little girl who could make a pair of overalls look so adorable.

"Atticus?" Jem asked as he knocked on the door.

"Come in," I say as he opens the door. "Thank you for knocking."

"Yes, sir. Are you coming to the airport with me later?"

"Sure."

"Well, we better get ready now then."

I looked at the clock and it was already 3:15. I shocked myself with how late in the afternoon it was.

"Yeah, I guess we better," I said as I packed up the papers in my brief and hurried to close our office. My baby was coming home and it was a long trip to Mobile.

I realized that for the first time in a while as we were driving to the airport that it was the first night in a while that it wasn't raining. It was most definitely winter time because the sun was starting to set by five. It's always rough waking up in the dark and going home in the dark. I was thankful for the orange and pink sunset that provided some light for us.

"We're entering Mobile," Jem said as we certainly were headed for the highway that took us there.

"Already?"

"Well, I was going 70."

"Jem!"

"Aw, Atticus, you ain't dead yet!"

"I might be."

"So who do you think this mystery guest is, huh?"

"Boo Radley?"

"Yeah, sure, Atticus," Jem said, laughing. "Boo Radley snuck out of his house after thirty years and ran away to New York to be with Scout. Sounds perfectly logical to me."

Jem and I just laugh after that. My son has a wonderful sense of humor and he makes me laugh more than anyone. I consider it a great blessing that he can just laugh through it all. My poor boy; life surely has beaten him up a lot. My poor daughter for that matter, too...

"Here's the airport," he says with a sharp turn that makes me want to shriek. "You're not dying, Atticus. Calm down!"

"The only way to calm down is to be dead!"

"You may be right."

Jem's park job had come to a literal screeching halt and he jumps out of the car before I can even open the door. I don't know if I should consider it a compliment or an insult that my children don't remember that I'm a senoir citizen. When I do get out, I hobble along as fast as I can to catch up with Jem and I'm amazed to find my son and daughter reunited by the time I got off the escalator. It melted my heart to see them hugging and I'm so thankful to see them so close.

"Atticus!" Scout shouts as she breaks away from Jem and runs to me. I feel like a million bucks when I have her in my arms again.

"You look great, sweet," I whisper in her ear as I kiss her cheek. She didn't really look different but I could tell that she was really happy for the first time in probably a long time. True happiness never fails to show up on your face when you feel it in your heart. That's what I know for sure.

"Whoa!" I hear Jem shout. He must have found Dill and when I looked, I knew that's exactly what happened. The two men embraced each other hard and all I could do was marvel at how much Dill looked the same as he did when he was young. I looked at Scout again and realized she was crying happy tears at Dill and Jem's reunion. I kiss her cheek again and she gives me one last bear hug before Dill comes over to me.

"Hello, Dill," I say as I stick my hand out for him to shake.

"Hello, Atticus," he said as he shoved my hand away and gave me a hug. It surprised me but it was actually a lovely thing for him to do. Hank would never dare hug me like Dill just did. I think I will take that as a good sign...


	4. Thinking Out Loud

I tried my best to enjoy every minute of the car ride home because once Scout arrives to meet Zandra, this happy feeling will be over. I thought she was going to flip her lid when I told her about Scout's date for the wedding. Zandra just couldn't understand why my daughter has always moved along so easily without giving her reputation a second thought. My answer of people having more freedom in New York wasn't a good one for her. All I could do is sigh and move on when she starts harping about her like she does. The most impossible task I had ever had to face was trying to save my daughter from my sister; I could never win. I look back at her as we head into town and I smile at the fact she's smiling. I reach over and rub her head which makes her giggle.

"What was that for?"

"I'm happy to see you happy."

"Well thanks, Atticus."

"You're too happy," Jem said, jokingly. "As a matter of fact, you all are."

"You're getting married soon," Dill spoke up for the first time since we left the airport. "You should be the happiest out of anybody in this car!"

"I'm happy," Jem said. I couldn't help but get the feeling he was trying to convince himself of that. I think Scout must have known it as well because she looked me as if to say, "He's lying."

"I can't get over it," Dill said as we drove past the ice cream parlor where our old house once was.

"Over what?"

"The fact your Alabama Avenue house is no more. Oh the memories I still have..."

"Yeah. We sold the property and moved to Birmingham Street after my heart attack."

"Birmingham Street? I don't remember there ever being a Birmingham Street."

"They made a couple of new streets in town after the war had ended. Men were coming home looking for work and they found it in public works and stuff like that."

"Oh."

He was silent again as we drove up the street he just found out about. He looked like a stranger in a strange land but I figured with all the traveling he's done he oughta be used to that feeling by now. His eyes popped open when he actually saw what our new house looked like.

"Very nice, Atticus," he said as we began to pile out of the car.

"Thank you," I reply.

"Watch out for Aunty," Scout warned quietly to him.

"Don't worry," he whispers back. "I've been mentally preparing myself for her."

"Way to be prepared, Dill," Jem says with a pat on the back for him.

"Brace yourself," I say only half-jokingly as I opened the door for everyone. Sure enough, Aunty was racing to meet us at the door. I chuckled at the fact Dill kind of hid behind Scout so she couldn't see him. That little boy is obviously still alive in there.

"Hello, sweet," Aunty greeted somewhat cooly. "Who is your date and why is he behind you like that?"

"Remember me, Miss?"

"No, I'm afraid not."

"Dill Harris," he said, sticking his hand out for her to shake. She wouldn't take it.

"Dill Harris? Doesn't seem to ring a bell..."

"You remember him, Aunty," Scout spoke up. "He was the holy ghost in our revival that Uncle Jack loves to talk about."

"Oh," she then said as she looked at him up and down. "Well, welcome back. Come in and have some cocoa, won't you?"

"Sounds good, Miss."

I was pleasantly surprised at the way Dill had handled himself. Zandra has always been a tough nut to crack so it was always best to live and let live with her even if she couldn't do it for other people. The night was spent with cocoa, a roaring fire and some petty gossip that Zandra saved up just for Scout, like she cared.

"Excuse me," Scout said. She probably has had enough by now; she looks tired.

"What's the matter, sweet?" Aunty asked.

"Nothing," she said looking into her mug. "I just want some more cocoa."

"I could get it for you..."

"No, I'll just go get myself some. Thank you anyway."

"I think I'll have some more, too," Dill said shortly after Scout left the room.

Just because her audience winds down is no excuse for my sister to continue with her stories. She then began to tell Jem one that really flipped her lid and it bothered her so much that she didn't even realize I had left the room. I went to the kitchen and wound up watching Dill kiss my daughter. It was a sweet kiss on the lips and then a hug and then I prayed they didn't notice me standing there. I quietly went up the kitchen stairs which lead directly to my bedroom. I was still happy and yet concerned that my daughter had found love again.


	5. Ave Maria

It was a beautiful day and I was standing in front of a beautiful white church that I had never seen before. The skies were blue, their was an equally blue river that ran behind the church and the sun shined down on the church as if the heavens were inviting me in. I felt so calm in my new surroundings that I had no problem taking a walk through the church. It was equally beautiful on the inside with the way the sun beamed through the stained-glass windows and there was a white organ just begging to be played. I went up to the instrument I haven't played in years and began to play a few bars of an old hymn that I'm sure hasn't been played in years. I looked over my shoulder and was pleasantly surprised to see a pretty woman in the front pew smiling at me.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," Jean replied back to me. It sure was different having her here with her blonde curls perfectly dry and wearing a dress. I couldn't help but frown at the fact it was the same dress I buried her in. She loved that white sundress with the daisies on it though so I shouldn't be surprised it's the one she's wearing.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all," she says, scooching over to make room for me next to her. I sat next to her and realized that she had no legs. What was up with me dreaming of her with no legs? She still had hands to hold my own though and it was very comforting to feel her hands again.

"Our baby's back in town, huh?" She asked me as she rubbed her thumb up and down my knuckles.

"Yup and with her childhood friend turned lover," I say, shuddering at the thought. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time accepting this.

"Were you not paying any attention to them when they were young? He was crazy about her the moment he laid eyes on her."

"He was seven!"

"So? That doesn't mean you can't feel anything. Children feel more than most adults do and I thought you understood that."

"I guess I never did fully grasp it, then."

"I know what your afraid of and Dill is not Hank."

"Hank and Scout met when they were children, too."

"Very different circumstances with very different people."

"Suppose it's a very different hurt in the end for her?"

"Who says it's going to end?"

"You're saying it won't?"

"What's meant to be will always find a way."

"That's all you have to say?"

"I've said a lot already. Think about it, Atticus," she said as she disappeared again. I sat in that damn church pew gutted by the fact she had left me again. Her favorite hymn, "Ave Maria," began to play by itself on the organ and it haunted me as much as her words.

I woke up again to the sound of the rain tapping on my window. I had a plugged up nose and red cheeks and I knew I had been crying in my sleep again. I rolled over to my dresser drawer and pulled out the hankerchief closest to me. As I wiped my eyes and blew my nose, I pondered about that dream but I was too distracted by what sounded like banging but the noise didn't last long. I got up from bed and went out to see what it could be until I saw my daughter come out of her bedroom. I'm sure the color drained from my face when I realized she was wrapped in only a sheet and I knew right then where the banging was coming from. I could have died when she found out I was standing there staring at her.

"Good morning, Atticus," she said, pulling the sheet up around her in embarrassment.

"Good morning, sweet," I said, trying to sound all right.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I am. Are you?"

"Yeah," she said as she looked right through me. If she stared at me any harder she would have burned holes. She then walked towards me and wrapped one arm around me while holding on to the sheet with the other.

"It's okay, Atticus," she whispered.

"I know," I lied. I pulled her away from me so I can look at her.

"I know what you're feeling and I understand that."

"You do?"

"I couldn't believe it either but just believe me when I say this was meant to be."

I'm sure I had a surprised look on my face when she said that. My wife's voice rang in my ears, "What's meant to be will always find a way." I pull my daughter into another hug and silently thank my wife for guiding us.


	6. Witchy Woman

The rest of the morning felt routine after I saw Scout: I laid back down, got back up to shave, took a shower, and got dressed. It wasn't until I had gotten done finishing up buttoning my shirt that I realized how much my pain decreased. Before Scout came home, my joints flared up something awful to the point where would hide in the bathroom and cry. I try so hard to be strong but sometimes it's hard just to wake up knowing you're not going to feel better today and you don't know why someone should have to live with so much pain. This rheumatism is definitiely something you don't understand until you have it and once you have it, you would never wish it on anyone.

"You okay, Atticus?" Jem asks, knocking on the door.

"Yes, Jem," I ask.

"See you at breakfast?"

"Yes, see you at breakfast."

I think poor Jem must sense the agony that I go through. It makes me think of what Jean said about children feeling more than adults do. Jem may be thirty-two years old but he was still my child and he must feel me after all these years. Scout may live up north most of the time but I wonder if she can still feel me like Jem can. Sometimes I'm not sure I want to know; I don't want them worrying about their poor old man all their life.

"Good morning, Atticus," Dill greets me as soon as I make my way down the kitchen stairs.

"Good morning, Dill," I greet back as I rub Scout's head. "Good morning, baby."

"Good morning," she greets with a giggle so cute that I can't help but kiss her head that I just rubbed. Zandra proceeds to pretty much slam a helping of scrambled eggs onto our plates.

"Well, good morning to you, Sister," I comment as she huffs.

"Good morning, indeed," she says as she pounds toast on a serparate plate.

"Did I do something?" Jean asked.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Dill spoke up.

"Hmmm..." Zandra muttered. That was when Jem ran down the kitchen steps in his usual white t-shirt and blue jeans.

"You look like quite the groom," Zandra said as soon as she saw Jem.

"Aunty, the wedding's not until tomorrow morning. Who shit in your garden?"

Scout just about choked on her toast, Dill snorted so hard that milk almost came out, and my joints flared up after he asked her that.

"Jem," I said, somewhat glaring and somewhat laughing at him.

"It's all right, Atticus," Zandra said as she began to make some coffee. "I just couldn't sleep very well last night. I kept hearing a certain banging coming from Jean's room of all places..."

Dill and Scout looked at each other in horror and Scout buried her face in her hands. I rub the back of her neck and glare at my sister who now had a shit-eating grin on her face. I glanced at Jem who had pretty much turned white.

"Sister," I said, sternly. Why did she have to do this to her?

"Brother."

"I'll be happy to offer you a room without a vent if things that go bump in the night disturb you."

"Among other things," Dill said. Scout hit him upside the head for that and I could have swore Jem was going to throw up. I particularly didn't need to hear that either.

"You don't help, Dill," Jem said with a serious smile.

"I'm sorry," he says as he looked down at his feet with his face turning red. Scout noticed and gave his blushed cheek a kiss. I glanced again at my sister whose face was just as red as Dill's.

"So will you take my offer for another room?" I asked.

"No," she said as her face softened toward Scout. "It's fine. I'm sorry, Jean Louise."

"Oh," Scout was shocked by her apology and frankly I think everyone else was. "It's okay, Aunty."

"Well, just eat your breakfast before it gets cold," she said as she put the coffee pot down on the table. "I'm going to go take a bath. You just help yourselves to more of anything you'd like."

"Thank you," we all said at the same time. We all just stared at each other as soon as she left the room. It took a while before the three of them could carry on with breakfast before I stepped out to see if Zandra was really gone. I found her on top of the stairs with her back turned and even though my eyesight is no longer the greatest, I could have swore I saw her wipe her eyes on her apron. I walked away knowing a proud woman like my sister would not want to be seen crying.


	7. 23rd psalm

I was thankful that Jem and Sara's rehearsal wasn't until five o'clock because that would give me time to take an afternoon nap. Zandra had served everyone lunch at one, we were done eating by one-thirty and I planned on napping by two at the latest.

"Is it the house or something?" Scout asked as I told her I was going back to my room to get some sleep.

"What do you mean?"

"When I was here in the summer it was Jem who slept all the time and it seems like that's all you want to do now."

"I think you and Jem like to forget how old I am."

"No, we know you're old," she then replied with a sly smile.

"Thanks for remembering," I say, smiling back at her as I turn my heels and head back up to bed. The day had grown cold and my blankets were so warm and comforting that it didn't take long for my eyes to shut. I hope Jem and Scout are able to understand how easy it is to let go when you're older...

"Came back here, huh?" Jean said out of nowhere. I opened my eyes and found that I was out in the lawn of where our old house was. Everything was intact just as I had left it including the neighborhood. I heard a weezing noise that was familiar and I turned around to see Little Scout on her tire swing that she loved so much. She looked at me as I was looking at her and she began to laugh.

"Atticus!" She called out for me.

"What are you doing, baby?"

She looked at her swing, looked at me again and scrunched her nose up at me. She laughed when she noticed I did the same thing to her.

"Where's your mother?"

"I don't have a mother."

"Sure you do. How do you think you got here without a mother?"

"I don't know. Go ask Miss Maudie over there," she told me with her finger pointing to across the street. Sure enough there was Miss Maudie, planting and watering her flowers as she has always loved to do. I looked back to Scout only to realize that she and the tire swing had disappeared.

"Hey there, Atticus," Miss Maudie had called out from her garden.

"Have you seen my wife?"

"Sure."

"Well, where is she?"

"What kind of question is that? She's always with you!"

"You're no help, Maudie Atkinson!"

"Oh, I see her," she says, peering over the left side of the house.

"Over here?" I asked as I pointed in the direction she was looking.

"Yes."

"Thank you," I say as I begin to walk over to the side of the house. My mouth gaped open when I saw her favorite pair of pink heels. Once again, a clothing item that I buried her in. I have never been so excited to see her legs before and my wife had a wonderful set of legs. I gasped out loud to find that those were all I found of her. It was just like that scene with the Wicked Witch of the East in _Wizard of Oz_ where all you see are her legs because she had been buried under the house.

"Where's your top half?" I asked out loud.

"Go into the woods," I heard her say.

"What's your top half doing over there?"

"See for yourself."

I was just thanking God it was a bright, sunny day or this would be even creepier. If only the trees in these woods could talk. I could hear someone's heart beat pounding in my ear and I looked up to see if anyone was behind me or something. I saw what looked like a drawing of a heart on the little tree that was next to the tall was I standing next to. I took the baby pink heart in my hand and in what looked like purple crayon was written, "Jem." I looked down and shrieked when I saw my son lying at my feet. He was the same age he was when Tom Robinson's trial happened and then it occured to me that I must be seeing what he looked like the night Bob Ewell attacked him. His face was beat up and his arm was crooked; I turned him over on his back and wondered how I was going to get his heart back in his body. The heart he has now was blue and it had his name written in white. What did that mean? Did he have not one but two near death expieriences?

"What happened to you, Jem?"

"He always came back for you," Jean said out of nowhere.

"How many times have you come back for him?" I ask, never taking my eyes off my son.

"Twice."

"Why don't you want him?"

"It's not his time yet, Atticus. I told you already that I'm not God."

"You said he comes back for me like he had a choice."

"We do have a choice, Atticus. His work on earth is not done and he knows it. He doesn't have to tell me that for me to know that."

"Why right before his wedding are you doing this to me?"

"He was on your mind before you showed up here."

"Well, why are you showing me him in this condition?"

"To show you that he's okay."

"This is not a comforting way of showing me."

"Even as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me."

I woke up to my wife's rendition of the twenty-third psalm ringing in my ears. I lean on the pillow to help lift me up from the bed only to realize that it had been soaked with tears once again. These dreams are more intense and more emotional than I ever remember them being.

"Atticus," Jem asks as he knocks on the door. "Are you okay? You sound like you've been crying."

"I'm okay, Jem," I reply as I wipe my eyes with my hands.

"You know that was a nice thing you said a few minutes ago. What bible verse was that?"

"Jem, I was sleeping a few minutes ago."

"No, I heard you perfectly: Even as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. I heard you say it, Atticus."

I couldn't respond.


	8. Smoke Break

My eyes were still red and watery by the time I had gotten myself dressed for Jem's rehearsal. Dear God, someone could swear that I had been drinking with the way I look; I look about as old and washed up as I feel. I can't wait to hear all the nagging from Zandra about my appearance but then again maybe if she talks about me she can leave the Websters alone. She has always been leary about Sara because every woman has grown up to be a loony hussy. Well, except for Sara's Aunt Mary, she's just crazy. As long as you're chaste while you're being insane, I guess that's all right.

"Brace yourself," I tell myself as I turn the doorknob. I couldn't believe my eyes when I walked out of my room: my daughter. Scout was wearing a black, sleeveless dress with an open back and a pair of black high heels. She turned around as soon as she heard me walk out and she then came for me.

"You all right?" She asked me.

"Yeah," I say as I rub her arms. "You look wonderful tonight."

"Thanks," she says as she kisses my cheek.

"Where did you get this?" I ask as I examine the long pearl necklace she was wearing. I couldn't help but hold it up for me to get a better look. It looked just like her mother's.

"Dill gave it to me."

"Where did he get this from?"

"Atticus," Scout scuffed. "You always told us kids that you never ask someone where a present comes from!"

"You're right," I sighed and gave her cheek a kiss. "You're absoluetly right."

"I'm going to meet Dill in the car. Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yes, Scout," I reply. I have to admit it's getting annoying having my kids ask me if I'm all right all the time. "I'll be down in soon."

"All right," she says as she turns away from me and heads down the stairs. I quickly jaunt into my bedroom and dig for my wife's safe. I always thought Dill was a bit on the weird side but would he actually snoop and steal? Nope, Jean's necklace was still in there. I breathe a sigh of relief and then feel guilty.

"Dill is not Hank," Jean's voice rang in my ears.

"You're right," I say out loud to myself. The Websters aren't the only ones who have a tendency to go crazy, Sister.

The rehearsal went off without a hitch and I breathed a sigh of relief when it was over. Not that I won't be worrying tomorrow when the big day is actually here. My gun-crazy, football-obsessed, fine boy was getting married in the morning. How is this possible? I'm glad I'm not in Frank Webster's shoes because I can't imagine the strain that he must be under. I just walk down the aisle first with Zandra and Dill and we take our seats while we watch Jem and the bridal party do everything else. I looked at my daughter practice walking down as one of the bridesmaids and I could feel the tears welling up already. I just about lost it watching Frank and Sara walk down the aisle. God help me the day I have to walk Scout down the aisle.

Sara's boss at the O.K. cafe had hosted the rehearsal dinner and I was quite impressed; they sure did clean this place up nice over the years.

"You think of Mrs. Dubose when you come here?" I heard Dill whisper to Scout with a smile. Scout just smiled and nodded to him as Dill kissed her cheek. Scout then nuzzled her face against his neck while he kissed her temple. I have to get out of here and I don't know where the hell my son is.

"Scout," I say, tapping her shoulder until she looks up at me. "Where's your brother?"

"I don't know," she admitted. I just walked away from her and went outside for some fresh air alone. I guess I wasn't the only one who thought that was a good idea because that's where I found Jem. I wanted to kill him when I saw he was smoking a cigarette.

"Jeremy Atticus," I say as I take the cigarette out of his hand. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Having a smoke break."

"You know you shouldn't be smoking anymore. You obviously are doing this over stress. Is this about the wedding?"

"I got cold feet, Atticus," he admitted with tears in his eyes.

"Wear socks, son."

"You're not funny."

"I think I'm hilarious!" I sent shivers down my own spine when I said that. "You love her right?"

"She's the best lay I've ever had..."

"Jesus, Jem," I said so disgusted that I threw the cigarette on the ground and stomped on it.

"No," he said, hanging his head in shame. "I know I love her."

"What's the matter then?"

"What if she dies?"

"What if she doesn't?"

"What if I die?"

"What if you don't?"

"What if our children die before we do?"

"What if they don't? Jem, you can't control these things. Lord knows if love could have saved your mother she never would have died. If my own heart could have saved yours..."

"Oh, Atticus," he says as he throws his arms around me. His head went into my chest and I prayed that he could hear my heart beating. It was such a tender moment that I didn't dare speak up to tell him that those two times when his heart stopped that I would put his head close to my chest just to hear my heart beat. Maybe that's why he always came back to me...


	9. Somewhere Over The Rainbow

My tears will stop flowing when I'm dead, I guess. When my son was born, I had no idea that I would have to tell him before his wedding night to go ahead and get married because he just may live long enough to have a happy life. I had no idea that his mother would go before I did; I had no idea that he would be the one to pay for the trial of my life; I had no idea that he would suffer a heart attack in his early thirties during one of my damn counsil meetings. If he had died for the latter two, I could honestly say that my son died for my sins. Goddamnit!

"You got a God complex or something?" Jean asked me out of nowhere. I rub my eyes to find that I was no longer in my room but in the clouds. Jean was on the cloud facing me and she was wearing the white dress I married her in. I smile at the fact that I can finally see her whole again. God, she was beautiful.

"Look," she said, nodding to the bottom of my cloud. I noticed that my cloud was on top of a rainbow, a rainbow that connected my cloud to hers. "We're connected."

"So we are," I say with a smile. She smiles back at me and we only stare at each other for a long moment of silence. She only spoke up when she noticed I was beginning to frown.

"You're thinking again. What's the matter?"

"Did I die?"

"Do you feel dead?"

"There's honestly a feeling for that?"

"It's like knowing you love someone, you just know."

'So am I?"

"Atticus, if you don't know than there's your answer."

"I don't understand you."

"You question your existence; there is more to life than just being dead or alive. When you come here, you know that your life goes on. You're still here, you still exist when you're here. You're obviously still of the physical world if you had to ask me if you were dead or alive."

"Am I in heaven?"

"Atticus, we're in heaven everytime we see each other."

"I know that," I say with a wink and a smile. Jean begins to crack up laughing.

"You old fool," she says, nodding her head back and forth.

"So all those years I you came back to earth to be with me?"

"No, you came back to heaven to be with me. You're home now."

"My home is Maycomb County. Scout and Jem still need me to be alive."

"They need to know that you're at peace, dead or alive. They know that you love them; you certainly don't try to hide it."

"I just can't let go yet, Jean."

"Because it's not your time."

"It's not that I don't want to be with you..."

"I know."

"Do you miss me?"

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

'We're connected, remember? Death is never a goodbye, Atticus; it's a until we meet again. That's exactly what we do, we meet again."

"Glad to meet, you," I say as I jokingly go to shake her hand. Right when I get close enough, the cloud literally bursts and I end up dropping down from the sky. I don't know what's worse: this sensation or the fact I can't see Jean or the rainbow anymore? I believe they are created equal.

"Atticus," Scout says my name as soon as I plop back into my body with a heavy thud. I knew I was out of my body when that happened. It was only five in the morning and I wondered what in the hell she was doing at my door at this time.

"What's the matter?" I ask as I go answer my door. No matter how old she or I get, it will always be hard to see her cry.

"I had a dream about mama. That's never happened to me before."

"Well, what happened, sweet?"

"I was a little girl again," she wailed.

"Shhh," I say, holding her face. "You're okay. Keep going."

"I was in my tire swing and Miss Maudie came out and said, "Hey." I said, "Hey" back to her and then she said, "Hey" again and I wondered who she was talking to. She told me that she was talking to my mother and I told her I didn't have one. I turned around and there she was."

"What happened?"

"I woke up. Why would I tell Miss Maudie I didn't have a mother? She was standing right there and that makes me even more sad!"

She couldn't contain her cries any longer and she buried her face into my chest. I hugged her tight and kissed her temple as her poor body shook up against mine.

"You have nothing to feel bad about. You were so small when your mama died that you're not used to the idea of having one. Your mother loves you very much and I know that she still watches over you and your brother and me. It's okay, baby."

That was when I noticed that both Jem and Dill had gotten out of their rooms to check on the commotion. I thought they both were going to cry when they saw that Scout was crying. I kept looking at Dill and I kept wondering if Hank ever looked at her like that when she cried. A part of me hopes he had and another knows he hadn't.

"She's okay," I mouth to the boys. They nod at me and quietly shut their doors. I look down at my daughter who is still crying in my arms. As much as this hurts, I'm glad I can still be here for this.


	10. Once Upon A Time

The most surreal day of a parent's life is watching your own children get married if you're lucky enough to live to see it. Why on this day of all days did my joints have to flare up? My knuckles were so swollen that I had a hard time grasping on to anything. I picked up my tux and sure enough it fell out of my hands, hanger and all, onto the floor.

"Zandra!" I cried out for my sister.

"What is it?" She asked as she breathlessly breezed into my room. My poor sister must have anxiety attacks about the day I'm sure to die. Somedays I can vouch that I don't have very long.

"My goddamn arthritis," I say, clutching at my wrists with tears in my eyes. I couldn't help them this time and it scared Zandra.

"Brother, it's all right," she said, trying to gain control of the situation. "I will help you. Here one piece at a time."

One piece at a time indeed until Zandra was finished. I hope she never understands how humiliating it is to grow into old age, knowing all the things you still know how to do, and yet be unable to do them. I'd rather not ask for help but what can I do? If Zandra suffers the same fate, who will take care of her? Her husband walked out on her and her son wants nothing to do with her. I all of a sudden felt a sadness for my sister that I've never felt before and it honestly made my troubles seem small.

"There you are," she says with a smile as she finished up my tie.

"Here I am," I say, smiling back at her.

"Now there's no need to cry," she says in an almost baby voice and then pinches my cheek. I no longer feel sad for her.

"Thank you but remember, I'm your seventy-two year old brother."

It took all I had to make it down the stairs to meet the rest of my family. Jem was so anxious he flew down the stairs and missed the bottom step. I don't know how I did it but I managed to catch him before he fell flat on his face.

"You all right?" I ask him as he pulls himself back up.

"Yes, sir," he says, looking me right in the eyes. It was then that we really noticed each other and he embraced me. It hurts me inside to know that sometimes my children's hugs can make me feel pain.

I then notices Dill and Scout coming down the stairs. I looked at Scout in her pink taffeta bridesmaid gown and ultimately flashed back to her first day of school. She felt so awkward in her dress for school and there was still a hint of that little girl in the way she walked down stairs.

"You look like a picture," I tell her.

"You never do say a picture of what," she said with her cheeks beginning to blush. I chuckle as I kiss her cheek.

"You look nice, Dill."

"So don't you, sir."

"Shall we go?" Zandra asks.

"Well, a groom being late is frowned upon..." Jem began as he flew out the door. My Lord, my son is getting married.

I was definitely in an anxiety haze until the ceremony began. A funny thing happened when I saw Jem stand up there as he waited for Sara: I could only see myself. I hope he didn't notice me look at him like he was from Mars but younger me showed up out of nowhere and he was all I could see. The music began to play and the only bridesmaid that wasn't a blur to me was my daughter. I couldn't get the image of her as a little girl out of my head; she stayed that way from all the way back at the house.

My mouth hung open when the bride showed up on her father's arm. Jean had taken over Sara and I couldn't take my eyes off her. Don't tell me that I've fallen asleep at my own son's wedding!

"Isn't she beautiful," Zandra whispered. Zandra still looked the same and I could recognize her just fine from this morning. I looked over at Dill who was staring starry-eyed at Scout and he looked the same as well. I knew I was all right until I realized Dill was checking out my very young daughter. I then sat back as my own wedding day flashed through my mind...

 **I was a forty year old man who took a twenty-five year old bride. My bride was definitely a kid at heart who brought the joy of life out of this set-in-his ways man. She was like the spring you get when you feel the winter of your life will never end. I wasn't looking for love, love found me and it was something that I didn't think I needed. I had survived forty years without a wife and I figured it I could survive forty more. I feel I have barely survived thirty.**

"Do you Jeremy Atticus Finch take Sara Ann Webster to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

 **"Do you Atticus Finch take Jean Marie Graham to be your lawfully wedded wife?"**

"I do."

 **"I do."**

"Do you Sara Ann Webster take Jeremy Atticus to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

 **"Do you Jean Marie Graham take Atticus Finch to be your lawfully wedded husband?"**

"I do."

 **"I do."**

"With this ring, I, Jeremy Atticus Finch, wed thee, Sara Ann Webster."

 **"With this ring, I, Atticus Finch, wed thee Jean Maried Graham."**

"With this ring, I, Sara Ann Webster, wed thee, Jeremy Atticus Finch."

 **"With this ring, I, Jean Marie Graham, wed thee, Atticus Finch."**

"By the power vested in me, by God and the state of Alabama; I pronounce Jeremy Atticus Finch and Sara Ann Webster..."

 **"...Atticus Finch and Jean Marie Graham..."**

"...Husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Tears flowed freely down my cheeks at that moment. Not for my son but for myself. I may be the most selfish father of the groom ever but I couldn't help but cry at the memory of kissing my wife as my wife for the first time.


	11. I Hope You Dance

"I knew what you were thinking," Jack says to me out of nowhere as I get myself seated at the reception.

"Wondering where the hell you were? Then yes, you psychic, you!"

"Hey, I was there..."

"Where? I didn't see you."

"I was in the back of the church; I arrived late."

"Up all night drinking brandy again?"

"No, it was eleven o'clock by the time I ran out of brandy and then I remembered a lady friend gave me a bottle of Moscat wine that I found very refreshing..."

"I don't know about you, Brother," I say, chuckling to myself. This really wasn't funny at all but what can I do? Only Jack can know he has a problem and needs to stop. The band ends a sweet song and I clap along with everyone else when it's over.

"Can I have the bride, her father, the groom's father and the groom's sister out on the dance floor please?"

I was shocked when the band leader asked for me and Scout to go up there. I looked at Jack bewildered and he gave me the same look with the shrug of the shoulders. I go up there to meet Scout who looks as confused as the rest of us.

"What's going on?" Scout asks me in a whisper.

"I don't know," I admit, whispering as well.

"This is the father-daughter dance. As many of you know, Jem's mother is not alive to dance with her son so he requested that his father and sister dance together instead."

The wedding guests sighed and applauded loudly at Jem's kind gesture. Scout looked at Jem and gave him a thumb's up while I gave him a smile. He gave Scout a thumb's up back and the band began to play "What A Wonderful World." It was a magical moment as we began to dance and Scout began to sing along with the band. She wasn't the greatest singer but there was a child-like quality in her voice that makes my heart melt just the same.

"I love you, Atticus," Scout whispered in my ear.

"I love you, too, baby," I whisper back as the song comes to a close. The guests applaud again and I take Frank's hand and shake it.

"Thanks for sharing this moment with me," I tell him.

"My pleasure," he says with a smile. He's a good man. I make my over to Sara to give her a hug once Scout is done giving her one. I was relieved to find that she looked like Sara again and not Jean.

"Welcome to the family," I say as I wrap my arms around my daughter-in-law.

"Thanks for having me be a part of it," she says as she kisses my cheek. I kiss hers back while Jem begins to butt in.

"My turn with the bride now, thank you," he says.

"Hey, that was a very kind thing for you to do," I say, wrapping an arm around him.

"Hey, I figured it would be cute to see you and Scout up there. Plus, there was no one for me to dance with."

It felt like a punch to my stomach when he said that. I knew I had to get off that dance floor because the band leader announced that it was the groom and bride's first dance. Why they were doing things in this order, I don't know.

"That was sweet," Jack says, punching me in the arm. "What's the matter now?"

"Jem didn't have a mother or a mother figure to dance with."

"That's crazy!"

"I knew this day wouldn't be easy with him knowing that his mother couldn't be alive to enjoy it."

"I knew it!"

"You knew what?"

"That you were thinking of your own wedding the whole time Jem was up at the altar."

"How'd you know?"

"Bride like yours, who could forget?"

"Jack Finch!"

"Hey, she was a knockout and you know it."

"I know it and God do I miss her, too."

"So miss her."

"What else can I do?"

"Nothing."

I had completely missed my son's first dance with his wife during that whole conversation. It seemed like I was letting this whole day go by and I decided then that it wasn't fair to Jem. His mother may be in heaven but his father was still here on earth to enjoy this day with him. I made a decision to be in the present for the rest of this splendid afternoon. I was going to laugh, I was going let myself eat cake, I was going to have a "hair of the dog" with my brother and I was going dance. Jeremy Atticus, no matter what happens to Sara, always choose to be happy because you will ultimately owe it to yourself.


	12. Say Something

Waving Jem and Sara goodbye was such a bittersweet event. They were heading to New Orleans for their honeymoon and I was a bit jealous of that. I didn't have the heart to tell Jem that was where his mother and I were going to go on vacation if I ever found the time. I pray that Jean's spirit will meet them there; I really feel he needs a sign just so he knows he felt her on his wedding day like she promised all those years ago.

"You must be tired," Scout commented as she wrapped an arm around me.

"I am, sweet," I tell her as I squeeze her hand that is now resting on my shoulder.

"Ready to go home?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"C'mon," she says, leading me to the parking lot. "Dill's waiting for us."

"What about Zandra?"

"She's giving Uncle Jack a ride home."

"Oh boy."

"That's what everybody gets when you tell Uncle Jack, "Open bar"," she says as she opens the passenger door for me. She motioned for me to get in that seat. "You can sit here."

"Are you sure?" I ask as I watch her get into the backseat. My daughter then bangs her head hard off the car door.

"Oh, honey," I say as I rub the top of her head.

"I think Jem was right," she says as she sits down and clutches the back of her head. "Uncle Jack did curse me all those years ago."

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Dill asks as he rubs her upper thigh. Easy there, son.

"Yeah," Scout says as she takes his hand away from her leg. I think she was too aware of me in that moment. I give her cheek a kiss before I climb into the front seat. It wasn't until I sat down that I realized how tired I was. Thank God the reception hall wasn't far from our house because I could have easily fallen asleep in the car if we had to drive any farther. It honestly took all I had to get out of the front seat and up the steps into the house.

"Do you want a little something for dinner, Atticus?" Scout asked me.

"No, sweet," I said as I lay on the couch. "I'm going to take a nap."

"Okay."

My eyes closed as soon as my head hit the couch pillow. The day that I thought I wouldn't be able to survive had ended and it was an even happier day than I could have asked for.

"Baby mine," I heard Jean sing out of nowhere. I opened my eyes to the past when I saw my even younger looking wife cradle a baby in her hands. The baby fusses a little but begins to quiet down as soon as she begins to hum to it. I'm careful to be quiet because I don't want to disturb the sweet scene that's unfolding.

"You are my sunshine," she began to sing again as I got closer. "My only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray..."

I peek closer into her arms to get a look at the baby. I was pleasantly surprised to see that the baby was Jem.

"Hi, baby," I whisper to him. He doesn't notice me and neither does his mother, it seems.

"You'll never know dear how much I love you," she continues. "So don't take my sunshine away."

I plant a kiss on Jean's cheek but she can't feel me right now. Why is it that every time I try to go touch her, something won't let me or she can't feel it? Maybe if I used my words?

"Go to Jem," I whisper. "Show him a sign. He needs you right now. He needs to know that you still exist."

She stands still for a minute and for a while I think I did get through to her. Then she walks away to put Jem in his cradle.

"Goodnight, my angel," she whispers as she kisses Jem's forhead. My heart broke when she walked right past me. Was she ignorning me or did she really not know I was there? Would she listen to me and go to Jem? Maybe she already has? Why won't she say something?


	13. New Orleans State Of Mind

The next few days passed by so slowly that I missed all the stress within those days before the wedding. Thank God for Scout and Dill staying until the new year because I don't think I could stand the added boredom. The office was quiet without Jem always barging in on me and quite frankly business was even slower than usual. It had gotten to be ridiculous with the amount of time I would have just to stare at his baby pictures on my desk. Ever since that dream I had on his wedding night I can't seem to stop staring at baby him.

It's sad to say that the nights have gotten even worse than the days. As emotional and intense my dreams with Jean have gotten, I missed having them. I don't understand why my wife just decided to stop showing up. Maybe she just showed up to help me get through Jem's wedding? That was all I could think of for a reason.

"You've got mail," Ava announced with a knock.

"Send it in, Ava," I ordered politely.

"This is funny," she said with a big cat-swallowed-the-canary grin.

"Why? Why's it so funny?" I ask, smiling like a nut now myself.

"I don't remember you ever getting mail all the way from New Orleans..."

She was teasing of course; she knew exactly where Jem and Sara were going on their honeymoon. She started to giggle at the expression on my face, I'm sure. I missed my boy and I couldn't wait to dive into his letter or postcard or whatever he got for me.

"I feel like Santa Claus giving this to you," she said.

"You shouldn't," I say, taking the envelope from her hands. "You should feel like Mrs. Claus."

"Merry Early Christmas," she said, giggling and walking out of the office.

"Same to you, thanks," I reply as I rip the envelope open. The first thing I see is a postcard with a standard, "Greetings from New Orleans" written on it. The backdrop must have been the French Quarter; oh how his mother wished to have been there! Then there was a letter attached and I read the whole thing with a gaped mouth.

 **Dear Atticus,**

 **You wouldn't believe this place; it is so much fun and so mysterious, too. You and I both know that Catholicism runs deep around here but you wouldn't believe all the spiritualists and voodoo priests that are just around the corner.**

 **Atticus, I am going to be honest and direct with you and I hope you can take what I have to tell you: Mama's with me. I felt like someone was following me and Sara to New Orleans but in a nice way, not Bob Ewell creepy, vicious way. That feeling never left, even when we got off the train here. Everywhere where there was a negro woman with bright, gypsy clothing; probably voodoo priestess or something or another; they would stop and stare at me. I didn't know why they were but it creeped me out because it was like straight through me.**

 **There was one of them that I saw when I got off the train that I later saw again giving readings in the French Quarter. You know I don't really believe in this spiritual stuff but she was staring at me again and I just had to know what she was thinking. I got up to the table and our conversation went just like this:**

 **"There's a young woman with you," she said right off the bat.**

 **"I know," I replied. "My wife; I just got married and I'm on my honeymoon."**

 **"No, no. This woman is of the spiritual world, this woman died many years ago."**

 **Atticus, I honestly couldn't register it was mama then. I have known many a lady who I was close to that have died.**

 **"She is showing me the number 6. Did something happen to you when you were 6?"**

 **"Yeah, my mama died."**

 **"She wants you to know that she was with you on your wedding day. She says that moment during the father-daughter dance when you got the shivers, it was her. She said she was hugging you."**

 **That's true, Atticus, it happened. I just passed it off as being emotional about watching you and Scout dance but I guess it had to have been something else.**

 **"Your mother wants your sister to know that it's all right. Do you know what I'm saying?"**

 **"Yes."**

 **That night she went to you crying because she couldn't remember mama in her dream. It hit me like a ton of bricks.**

 **"She also wants your father to know that she visits him often in his dreams and that she thinks its wonderful that your father, as she's saying, "goes the distance" for her."**

 **That was when she stumped me. Do you dream about mama, Atticus? What does "go the distance" mean? If you understand what this lady was saying, how come you never told us? I don't mean to pry because I'm sure you got your reasons but I just couldn't keep this all to myself until I got home. I hope you and everybody else is doing well. I will see you all on Christmas Eve night.**

 **Love,**

 **Jem**


	14. Blue Christmas

Christmas still hasn't changed a whole lot since Jem and Scout were little; we still went to the landing for old times sake for Christmas dinner and presents. It was the one place where I could say it still felt like home to all of us. My childhood home was still standing despite itself, the sweet humid air felt the same in the dead of winter as it does during the dog days of summer and of course my sweet Jean's ashes will forever flow with the tide of the lazy river.

I think that Zandra misses the Landing more than I ever did. She was the one who stayed behind to help take care of the land all those years and I think she is often homesick over it. Christmas Eve morning she would always pack up the presents she had already wrapped and the ingredients for the dinner she was going to make and shipped out to spend the day with herself. I've often offered to go with her to help her but she had always refused. Now I just figure Christmas must be her time so let her have it. Though I have to say, she gives "Silent Night" a whole new meaning.

Jem and Sara arrived home at around eight that evening. When I first saw him I could have swore that he came home ten years younger than when he left us. I hope someone looks at me and thinks the same but I doubt it.

"Merry Christmas," he said as he bear-hugged me.

"Merry Christmas, son," I reply, a little annoyed at the fact he never gives my arthritis a second thought sometimes.

"Merry Christmas, Atticus," Sara said. I looked at her and only one thought crossed through my mind: she was pregnant. I know that glow because Jean had it twice in her life and both times she didn't even have to go to the doctor for me to know.

"Merry Christmas, Sara," I say, going over and hugging my daughter-in-law.

"You're back!" Scout screamed as she flew down the stairs and into the arms of her brother.

"Yup, I'm home, sis," he said as he pulled Scout away from him. "Where's Dill?"

"Taking a walk around town. Don't ask me why."

"Okay," Jem shrugged and then smiled at Sara as he took her hand. "Well, sorry we can't stay but we got Sara's parents' party to go to."

"That's alright," I say, giving him another hug. "We have plenty of time tomorrow at the Landing to catch up."

"Sure," he said, patting my back hard. "Well, see you all tomorrow."

"Bye," Scout and I say at the same time. We watched them get into their car and drive off in silence. I looked back at Scout and I noticed she sort of had a melancholy look on her face.

"What's the matter?"

"I'm just tired," she said as she plopped down on the sofa.

"Well go to bed, then."

"No. I think I'll wait for Dill to come back. Crazy fool walking the streets by himself on Christmas."

"You said it, not me."

"Ha ha," she said sarcastically as she got up and gave me a hug. "Merry Christmas, Atticus."

"Merry Christmas, baby," I say as I give her cheek a kiss.

 **The Next Day**

The Landing was ready for the Finch comeback as it was every Christmas. I drove with Dill and Scout, Jem and Sara arrived in their own car and so didn't Jack. Zandra greeted us all with a very pleasant attitude for a welcomed change. She got out the decorations she keeps in the house and hung them up like she does every year. I think it's silly of her to go through all that trouble for one day but I of course bite my tongue. There were two bowls of eggnog waiting for us: one with brandy and one without brandy along with a cookie tray. The day was chilly but sunny and we spent a good part of the morning having our eggnog and cookies outdoors. The only thing more inviting than the Christmas sun was the prime rib cooking in the oven.

Around noon was when we gathered around to open our presents. Jem and Sara had done all their Christmas shopping in New Orleans so we thought them to be extra special. Jack had gotten bottles of brandy and wine because why wouldn't he? Zandra got a cookbook and a necklace. I had gotten a few books about my favorite subject: the law. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when Scout got me a new and improved copy of The Federalist Papers.

"Everyone," Dill spoke up out of nowhere. "I have a present for both Atticus and Scout but I want Atticus to see it first."

We all just kind of looked at him shell shocked; we didn't know what to think. He handed me a pink gift bag and I dug through the tissue paper to see nothing expcept another piece of paper. On it, he had written that he wanted to ask my daughter something: could he or couldn't he? I didn't follow on his idea.

"Yes, Dill," I said, confused as hell.

"Okay," he said as he pulled a box out of his pocket. We all gasped when we saw him get down on his knee because we now knew what this meant. Scout put her hand to her heart and began to cry.

"Will you marry me, Scout?"

"Say yes, Scout!" Sara gleefully shrieked.

"Do it!" Jem encouraged her.

That was when she nodded her head, "yes". My poor baby was too choked up to say it. It was a beautiful ring: it was actually a sapphire stone and I had to smile because it was one of Scout's favorite pieces of jewelery. He kissed her softly on the mouth and twirled her around in his arms.

"I think I need more brandy eggnog," Jack whispered to me.

"Me too," I agreed.

"Me three," Zandra said.

"You don't drink," Jack retorted.

"I do now."


	15. An Innocent Man

It was a restless Christmas night. I tossed and turned for over an hour before I just gave up. The wind had picked up and was banging the shudder hard against our house. I got up from bed and stared out into the lazy river that looked as tumultous as I felt. I smiled as I wondered if Jean was making waves of her own after the day we all had. I pulled out my robe and put it on as I headed outside, tiptoing all the way because this house creeks with every step you take. I breathed in the sharp air only to choke on it as soon as I realized Dill was out here as well.

"You had a hard time sleeping too, Atticus?" He asked as soon as he spotted me.

"Yeah, but I'll go back inside. I didn't mean to disrupt you," I said as I made my way back to the door.

"That's okay," he said as he moved over on the patio chair. "You can come sit by me if you want."

"I don't want to impose," I reply.

"You don't like me, do you?"

His words hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt awful. I felt awful because I realized the way I had been acting ever since I found out about his and my daughter's courtship. I tried so hard for him not to notice but he did anyway. I guess I'm not the good actor I set out to be. I must be getting so old that I can't even pretend anymore. I breathe deep again and have a seat with my future son-in-law.

"I do like you, Dill," I say as I sit down.

"You don't act very happy about me and Scout."

"My daughter seems very happy with you. I'm happy you can make her happy."

"I try," he says before taking a pause. Then I notice him dig around in his coat pocket.

"What are you doing?"

"Ah," he says as soon as he's done digging. I noticed it was a picture and he gladly handed it over to me.

"Huh," I said as I studied the photo. "I've never seen this picture of Scout when she was a little girl."

"That's not Scout," he explains. "She was a little girl I saw in Italy. I don't even know her name but ever since I saw her I couldn't stop thinking about Scout. Isn't it scary how much they look alike?"

"I never thought my daughter would look like an Italian," I said as I handed the picture back to him.

"Takes all kinds everywhere, sir," he said as he put the photo back in his pocket. "You're the one who taught me that."

"I had forgotten," I said with a smile. Lord, what have I become?

"What are you thinking now, sir?"

"Am I that obvious?"

"Sorry," he retreated. "Don't mean to pry."

"I suppose you know about Hank."

"I do."

"Well," I could believe what I was about to ask him. "When did you come back to the states?"

"She wrote to me to thank me about the picture and the letter I wrote to her."

"She saw your picture."

"Yup. She told me about what happened to Hank, then she got my letter, and she decided she loved me, too. I was planning on coming back to the states with or without that response from Scout."

"Then you found her."

"Kind of but not really."

"What does that mean?"

"She changed so much."

"She grew up."

"I don't want to know more than I have to but man she was shook up for quite a while after that visit this past summer."

"Oh," I breathe in again and try not to cry. I know I was a big part of the reason why she was the way she was.

"She's okay though, Atticus."

"Did that little girl you once knew come back to you?"

"I remember how her eyes used to sparkle in the sun; they still do."

"You noticed her eyes even back then?"

"How could you not? They looked like the sky."

Oh my, he noticed her eyes. Jean was probably the only woman that ever captivated me with her eyes: they were chocolate brown. I don't think it's a coincidence I stopped eating chocolate when she died. That was when his comment of me teaching him that all people were people began to buzz through my brain and it wouldn't leave. I grabbed Dill's hand and shook it.

"You want to know why I'm proud to have you as a son-in-law?"

"Why?"

"You remember the good man that I always tried to be."


	16. Pretty BabyPretty Woman

We all went back to Maycomb the next morning, par the course. Jem and I weren't going back to work until the 27th because it had become a kind of tradition for me to take the 26th off to just rest. Christmas had always felt like such a production that I would always need just one more day of rest.

"You feeling okay?" Scout asked as she looked over at me from the backseat.

"Yeah, sweet," I said with a stretch. "Just a little tired is all."

"Aren't you sleeping good at night?"

"Just last night was rough."

"One extreme to the other with you."

"What do you mean?"

"When Dill and I first arrived you couldn't wait to go to sleep and now you're having a rough time. Is it us?"

"Of course not. What kind of question is that?"

"I was just kidding, Atticus," she said with a snicker. I honestly don't think she was.

"How come Alexandra doesn't go with you guys the day after?" Dill asks as we begin to pull into town.

"To bring Uncle Jack home and to clean his house," Scout said for me.

"Your Uncle Jack doesn't clean his house?"

"It's clean enough but you know her, if it's not good enough for her..."

"Scout," I sternly call her name. "Please don't start."

"She didn't even congratulate me on my engagement."

"What?"

"She acts like she can't even look at me. What's up with her?"

"Dill, did she speak to you?" I ask. Stupid of me really, I knew what his answer would be.

"No, sir."

"Listen," I say with a humph. I turn myself around to look at her and to give her leg a rub. "She'll come around. Baby, she's not going to be at the house today so just don't think about her anymore and just enjoy your day, okay?"

"Okay," she said quietly as I patted her knee.

"Want to go to the Eddy?" Dill asked.

"Are you kidding me? It's too cold!" Scout scuffed.

"Yeah, Scout," I say. "Go to the Eddy with Dill. Let me out and I'll walk."

"Atticus, you must be joking!"

"Scout, I used to walk everywhere all the time. Don't you remember?"

"You're a seventy-two year old man with rheumatism. Don't you remember?"

"Everyday. Now please let me out so I can walk the few blocks back to the house."

"Scout, he just wants to walk," Dill said, taking my side.

"Be careful," she said, begrudgingly letting me go.

"I'll be all right, sweet," I say as I hop out of the car. "Thanks Dill."

"You're welcome," Dill said as he started the car and drove away with a wave. I wave back at both of them as I turn on my heels with a smile. Oh, how I missed the luxury of just going for walks because I could. Heck, I missed feeling well enough to want to go for them. Walking used to be the way I would let go of all the stress in my life: the children, the job, the death of my wife; I just walked it out.

There was something nice about being out in the cold sun and seeing your breath in the air. It was nice to be in town and seeing all the businesses open back up while taking down their Christmas decorations. The residential streets also had their people taking down their Christmas decorations with the bittersweet looks of their children playing with their new toys on the front lawn. The one thing about living so close to town nowadays is the fact that coming home feels like no time. I could have went on for another good fifteen minutes but God forbid if I wasn't home for Scout.

I breathe deep as I make my way into the house. It smelled fresh and clean from not being here yesterday. Then again it could be that the Landing house has smells as stale as it looks. I lay down on the couch and let my eyes close. Maybe that walk was just what I needed after all.

"I love you," Jean said out of nowhere. I spring up to find that I was on a raft, floating in the middle of a river, I guess.

"You look like a princess," she said. I turn around and even though I'm far away on my raft, I can see Jean and toddler-aged Scout playing on the rocky shore. Jean was wearing her funeral dress again and I realized that Scout was in the same dress I sent her to her mother's funeral in. It didn't hit me until now how deep down Scout was affected by her mother's death. She never wanted to wear dresses after that day and I don't know why it took me twenty-five years to notice that.

"Me?" Little Scout asked, pointing to herself. I noticed the little crown of daises she had around her head.

"Yes you, you big silly!" Jean laughed as she grabbed our daughter and began to tickle her tummy. Scout laughed with all that she had and she began to plant kisses all over her mother's face. That was something funny she did: when she first learned how to kiss, she would have to kiss you a thousand times. She was very affectionate like that.

"Mama," Scout said as she wrapped her arms around Jean's neck.

"Scout," Jean answered.

"Pretty."

"You think I'm pretty, baby?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. I think you're pretty, too."

"No."

"No? You don't think you're pretty?"

"No pretty," Scout said as she pointed to herself. My heart broke a little.

"You're very pretty, baby. Don't you ever tell yourself you're not again, do you understand?"

"Yes, mommy," Scout obeyed as she hugged Jean's neck again. Jean then picked her up and looked out onto the river, looking right at me. I waved to her and I think she noticed but wasn't going to say anything again.

"This is about Zandra isn't it?" I called out. "You're showing me this because of her right?"

Just like that dream with baby Jem, she wasn't going to pay me any mind. She turned around with little Scout still in her arms and walked up the rocky hill onto the mainland. I jumped from my raft and sank deeper and deeper until I woke up.

"Atticus," Scout said, shaking me softly out of my sleep.

"You're pretty, Scout," I involuntarily blurted out. She looked at me shocked for a minute but then she smiled at me. I smiled back at her because I always knew it was true that she was a pretty girl.

"Thank you."


	17. More Than A Feeling

That dream I had about Jean and Scout last night ran through my brain all the way into the next day. Scout's little voice telling herself, "no pretty" had been ringing in my ears. I wonder if this was actually an event that had happened or if it was just a dream you that dream. I was hoping the latter because it would break my heart even more to think my daughter felt that way about herself.

It was my first day back at the law office soon and I was having a good day with my arthritis despite everything. I walked into the kitchen for breakfast and heard the sound of my sister whistling. I was annoyed to see her because I still think that dream I had actually had a lot to do with her and her mistreatment of my daughter for all these years.

"Good morning, Brother," she said as she handed me a plate of eggs and bacon. "No pain today?"

"No," I say as I sit down and grit my teeth. "I feel just fine."

"That's nice," she said with a fake sweet voice. I would never hit a woman but man I could smack her when she used that tone of voice.

"You've been awfully quiet since Christmas morning," I commented as I bit into a fried egg only for the yolk to splatter all over my plate. I was thanking God that at least it wasn't my shirt.

"Oh, have I?"

"Are Scout and Dill coming for breakfast?"

"No," Zandra replied as she poured coffee in a cup for herself. "They said they were sleeping in and wished not to be disturbed. Dreadful."

"What's so dreadful about that?" I say, taking a swig of my ice milk. "They're on vacation, they can do what they want."

"They are not married yet," she said as she took a seat.

"Everyone in town knew that Jem and Sara were sleeping together before they got married but you never said a word."

"It was a shame but Atticus, Scout is a woman. Women should not give in to such urges."

"What about Sara?"

"Well, I expect it from her, she was a Webster. Jean Louise is a Finch."

"That's just been your excuse ever since my daughter was old enough to speak," I said. I was getting mad now.

"My excuse?"

"Your excuse for belittling her everytime you got a chance."

"Well," she said, getting defensive. "The poor dear didn't have anyone to coach her on being a proper lady..."

"My daughter never needed coaching. Did you ever tell her that she was not pretty?"

"Brother!"

"I'm not kidding, Sister. I want to know the truth and I'm praying to God that the truth is you haven't."

"I haven't ever said it like that."

"So you've kind of said it?"

"Atticus, the way she would act and the way she dresses-I used to tell her that no man would find it appealing."

"So you're not mad at Scout; you're mad at yourself," I said, getting up from the table. The lawyer switch in me was turned on.

"Mad at myself?"

"Scout found someone who loved her for the way she was and that drives you up the wall. She is having the life you wanted for her but doing it her way. You just don't feel like you were as important to her as you thought. Well, Sister, controlling and trying to weaken the strong doesn't get you very far."

"So what do I do?"

"I don't know but I'm going to work. Here's some belittlement for you: You can sit there and think about what you did to her."

"Well, aren't you just a big man?" She said in a whisper. I knew I got her good and I don't even feel bad about it. This was a long time coming and I left her with her just desserts as I walked to work. My old self was coming back to me and I realize how much I have missed him.


	18. Daisies

"Mr. Finch?" Ava asks as I walk in the door, obviously concerned.

"Good morning, Ava. Is everything all right?"

"Did you walk to work this morning?"

"Yes, I did. Why?"

"Jem went to the house to pick you up and you weren't there."

"Oh my God..."

"Atticus?"

I was relieved to hear Jem's voice calling my name. I was so caught up with Alexandra that I had completely forgotten the whole Jem-gives-me-a-ride-to-work routine. Goes to show how upset I was if I didn't even think to call.

"I'm sorry, Jem," I apologize as I walk over to him.

"Did something happen? It's not like you to leave me hanging like that."

"Step into my office and we'll talk," I say, wrapping my arm around my son and taking him into the direction of my office. "Everything's all right, Ava."

"Thank you, sir," she replied as she went back to her desk. I waited until I heard her start her typewriter to talk to Jem. I shut the door behind us and instructed him to take a seat in front of me. I sit down as soon as he sits down.

"How'd you get here?" Jem asked before I could get a word in.

"I walked here," I replied.

"You shouldn't be doing that."

"I feel fine and I am fine, Jem."

"Whatever," he said. One thing about my boy is that he knows when to give in. "So what happened this morning?"

"Did you see Aunty?"

"No. Did you?"

"Her and I got into an argument this morning..."

"What did Jean do now?"

"Your sister was the reason we fought but she didn't start anything. I had a dream about your mother last night..."

"So you do dream about her?"

"Yes, that negro woman hit the nail on the head."

"Whoa!"

"Yeah. Well, in the dream, your mother and Scout were playing, and I remember your sister had a crown of daisies on her head."

"Oh my God..."

"Wait until I'm done," I say, calming him down. What was he excited for already? "Anyway, your sister said that she didn't think of herself as pretty and I had gotten upset because earlier that day Scout was complaining of how cold Aunty has been since her Christmas proposal. This morning while she made breakfast, I wondered where Scout was and she started putting her down again because she wanted to sleep in with Dill. I got mad and put her in her place."

"You did?"

"I especially lost it when she admitted that she's told Scout that no man would find her attractive being herself."

"Bitch!"

"Hey, there is no need for cruel name-calling here!"

"I can't help it, Atticus."

"Yes, you can. I don't care what you say when you're with your friends but you will not use that language in front of me. Especially when it's your aunt at the receiving end of a cruel word."

"I could have called her a lot worse."

"I'm sure you could've and I don't even want to think about it rather than talk about it."

"I'm sorry," he finally says. He really does know when to give in.

"Thank you," I say as I cross my arms. I could tell he feels bad but that's his aunt and that's my sister, whether him and I like it or not most days. I guess the good man in me is back.

"Why did you say that before?"

"I thought we weren't going to discuss it," he says, quietly.

"Not that time; the time you blurted out, 'Oh my God!'."

"I knew I was forgetting to tell you something that negro woman said and when you mentioned the daisies, I remembered."

"What was it?"

"When we got around to talking about Scout, the negro woman said that Mama sends her daisy flowers. The negro woman said that daisies were a symbol of the virgin mother and the woman guessed that could mean many things..."

"Such as?"

"The virgin mother; like her letting Scout know that she was in heaven or that she was with Mary in heaven. Also, I was told they represent innocense and chastity; so in way that could mean she's telling Scout that either mama will be forever young or that Scout would be forever young in her eyes. Also, that it could be just mama's way of telling her that everything was okay or that mama was okay or that Scout herself was okay. I guess mama just really needed to tell Scout that everything was okay because she kept repeating it."

I felt really emotional listening to what that woman had to say about the daisies. I thought about the dream again for the umpteenth time and it all made sense to me. Tears were getting ready to fall from my eyes and I took my glasses off to give the bridge of my nose a pinch.

"What do you think, Atticus?"

"I think I love my wife and my children very much," I choke.

"Well, we love you, too," Jem says as he rubs my arm.

Just then the telephone rang but this was too much of a tender moment so I let Ava answer it. I just keep sitting there pinching my nose and Jem keeps sitting there rubbing my arm.

"Atticus?" Ava pages me, sounding a bit frazzled.

"Yes, Ava," I reply.

"It's your sister, Alexandra," she said.

"Oh God, Atticus," Jem said, looking like a deer in the headlights.

"It's okay, Jem," I say as I punch in line two. "Sister?"

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No, Zandra, I don't."

"Well, I just don't want to be in the way anymore."

"Sister, I'm sorry if I was a little cruel but my daughter needs better treatment than what you're used to giving her."

"I'll try."

"How about you'll do?"

"I'll try."

"Sister..."

"Are you sure you don't want me to leave?"

"You are a big help to me and yes, I would be lost without you. I owe you a lot."

"Thank you," she said, perking up a bit.

"Please stay but at least stay out of my daughter's way."

"I can do that."

"Truce?"

"Truce."

Where are my daisies, Jean? Everything's all right.


	19. Laughter in the Rain

The next few days leading up to New Year's Eve went very well. Zandra had kept her promise to at least stay out of Scout's way and Scout, being the intelligent girl that she is, knew not to pry and just stayed out of her aunt's way as well. They saw each other at mealtimes and then their only conversations consisted of "hellos" and "how are you's?". It still may not be ideal but I was just glad there were no more put-downs coming from my sister and there was no back-talk coming from my daughter.

I was not happy to see the new year come. Scout and Dill would go back to New York on January 2nd and I loved seeing my daughter happy for the first time since becoming an adult. I'm not sure if I really didn't know or if I never accepted the fact that she never really was happy with Hank. I used to tell Hank when he would complain of her being cold to him that she just loved him the best way she knew how. That was ridiculous; my daughter can love better than that and she's proving it with Dill. Ever since that talk at the Landing that night, it really opened up my eyes to realize what a sweet man Dill really was and Scout does treat him sweetly. Did Hank ever treat my daughter in such a way that he deserved the way she treated him sometimes? I'm not sure I want to know.

I was reading the copy of The Federalist Papers that Scout had gotten for me for Christmas when I heard Scout laughing outside. What in the world was she doing out there? It was cold as ice as out there. I look out the window to find Dill with her on the porch swing, looking at a magazine. I may not have the greatest set of eyes but if I squint hard enough I can tell it's a bridal magazine. I bookmark the page I'm on and go out to see what was so funny.

"What you've got there?" I ask as I step out into the frigid night.

"Atticus, what are you doing?" Scout asked.

"Am I disturbing you two?"

"Not really," she decided as Dill shook his head, "no". "We're just checking out this bridal magazine I picked up from the drugstore."

"See anything you like?" I ask as she offers for me to take a look.

"I don't know," she sighed. "I can't seem to see myself in one of those dresses."

'Well, come on," I say as I flip through the pages. "I think there's a lot of pretty dresses here."

"Well," she says gently taking the magazine away from me. "There's one I really do like. Here, it's on page 32."

"I want to see," Dill said excitedly.

"I don't know why you're looking at these with her, Dill," I say. "A gentleman doesn't see his bride's dress before the wedding."

"Is that it?" Dill asked, scuffing.

"Yeah."

"You don't have the cleavage for it."

Scout and I can only stand there and glare as he said it. He sure can stick his foot in his mouth. He got up from the swing, gave Scout a kiss on the head and walked back into the house. Just like Jem, he knows when to give in. Scout begins to laugh as soon as Dill is out of sight.

"He's right, Atticus," she said, placing her hand over her heart. "I really don't."

"I really don't care to think about it," I say, honestly.

"Did you want to see it?"

"Not anymore," I say as I take a seat in Dill's spot.

"That's all right," she said, putting her arm in mine. "It was just an idea. Besides, I won't be buying dresses now; we haven't even picked date yet."

"You've had a couple of days to think about it."

"I know. We live in New York but my family is here and no one else. We have friends in New York but no family and we wouldn't want you guys to travel all the way up there."

"We could if you wanted us to, sweet."

"I just don't know. I obviously want you and Jem and Sara to be there; you guys are my family..."

"You have your Aunty, too," I not-so-nicely reminded her.

"Yeah, her too," she said with indifference. It made me chuckle. "We'll think of something."

"I'm sure you will," I say as I untangle my arm from hers and wrap mine around her. We slump back into the swing and begin to rock a little bit, looking up at the moon and stars.

"May I see your watch?" She asks me out of nowhere. After all these years she was sill enthralled by the watch her mother gave to me.

"You want to read the engravement?" I ask, pulling it out.

"No, I actually want to see what time it is," she said, taking it from me. All right, then.

"Dill!" Scout screams out for her future husband.

"Yes?" He answers from behind the door.

"We've got a minute until midnight, please come out."

"For what?"

"You'll see. Everything's all right just come on out."

He does as he's told and I get up to get back into the house. I knew what this was about; she wanted to kiss him at midnight. I don't want to ruin the moment so I keep my eye on the time all the while.

"I now pronounce it midnight," I say to Dill as I step into the house. "You may kiss my daughter."

"Thank you," he laughs as he wraps his arms around her and kisses her lips softly. They stay in each other's arms for a while longer and I walk away.


	20. Dream On

January 2nd was as sad as I expected it to be. It was always hard to have Scout home at first because we're simply not used to her being here all the time but it was always harder to have her leave. My brain understands that she is happy and has a nice life for herself in New York but I wish my heart could understand it. That was what I wanted for her, wasn't it? It was; I wanted her to be independent and living on her own terms in such a way that I knew Maycomb would never accept. Scout is too colorful for the neck of the woods she grew up in and that's why she's so wonderful.

"I'll be back soon as I can," she said as she hugged me goodbye.

"Don't you hurry," I tell her as I give her a gentle pat on the back. "Enjoy your life and don't worry."

"I'll try not to," she said with a crooked smile. I know, sweet, that advice is always easier said than done. I give her cheek a stroke as we noticed Dill was waving her on; their plane was ready to board.

"Well, you are going to say goodbye to Atticus, ain't you?" Scout shouted to him.

"Sure, I am," he said as he made his way back over to us. "I just wanted you to have time with him without me."

"Very considerate of you, sweet," she says as she put his arm around him.

"Goodbye, Dill," I say with my arms outstretched. I can deal with the fact that he's a hugger. He hugs me back tightly and I could have killed him for making my back hurt. It doesn't take much these days.

"Bye, Atticus," he whispered in my ear.

"Take care of my baby," I whispered back to him.

"I can take care of myself, Atticus!" Scout objects.

"You know what I mean," I retort.

"I will, Atticus," he says, pulling away from me. "She's very special."

That was when the miracle happened: Scout, without hesitation, began to kiss Dill's face just like she kissed her mother's face in my dream. I begin to laugh while I could cry because it was true that she could love someone better than Hank. Dill said the little girl inside of her never really came back to him but thanks to him, the little girl came back to me. I missed her a lot.

"That's enough," Dill said, pulling away from her.

"Most men would love that," I say with a smile.

"We can do more in private later," Dill said. I wonder how big his mouth is because he sure loves the taste of his feet, apparently.

"We better go, motor-mouth!" Scout says as she shoved him along. "Bye, Atticus. I love you!"

"Love you too, sweet."

I stand there until I can no longer see them and the tears begin to fall. Oh, this really will never get easier. I walked out of the airport and into the parking lot to meet my brother Jack who's waiting for me in his car. I took the day off and Jem had offered to stay and look after the office. Jem and Scout said their goodbyes last night and I know that it's never easy for him to say goodbye to her either.

"Did they get on the plane all right?" he asks as I hop in the backseat.

"Yes, indeed."

"Why don't you sit in front with me?"

"I'm tired; mind if I take a nap?"

"Be my guest," he says as he starts the car up and we start getting out of here. Old age is really starting to get a hold on me.

'You made it," Jean says out of nowhere. I open my eyes to see that we are on the raft I was on when Jean and Scout were together with their daisies.

"You're going to acknowledge me now?" I ask as I drag my hand along the water.

"You old fool!" She taunts as she splashed me with the water. "Of course I was acknowledging you! I looked at you, didn't I? You came to see me and I showed up, didn't I?"

"You know who you remind me of?" I ask with a smile.

"Who?"

"Our daughter."

"What a nice thing to say," she says as she leans over and kisses my cheek.

"I'm still alive," I say, disappointed.

"Here we go again..."

"I saw you do it but I couldn't feel it."

"You feel it, Atticus; you feel me all the time."

"How do you know?"

"Think about it, Atticus," she says as she rolls over and flops into the water. Her body crashes and makes waves that shake me out of my sleep. My eyes pop open as I realize we're heading into town already. Have I really been asleep for that long?

"You were dreaming about her, weren't you?" Jack says with a chesire cat grin.

"How do you know?"

"By the way you wake up."

"The way I wake up?"

"Only dreaming about your love can make you jolt out of your sleep like that."

 **A/N: This is the end. Thanks to all of you who went on this journey with me!**


End file.
